I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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