I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
