I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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