what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
