dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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