We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
