It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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