Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
