I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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