He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
