My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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