Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
