EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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