In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm at about main and main street
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
