Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize