Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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