got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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