She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
