May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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