So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
