nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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