i would punch a child for taco bell
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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