So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
