You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
