Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
