Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
