i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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