I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
