I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
