I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
