"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
