Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
