Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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