We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
