as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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