He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
