the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
