why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
