you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
