But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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