you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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