how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize