Tell her she can't have a vagina
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
