fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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