Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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