"it" just moved
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
