Non-Jews are for practice
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
