I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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