just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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