You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
