oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
