Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
