I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
