I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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