I swear she didn't look like that last week.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
