pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
