The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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