I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
