I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
