I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
