Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize