Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
