He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
