we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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