I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
