This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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