yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
