his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
