walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
