I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
